she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dick very happy bro
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
