You work out of a Hotel?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
