i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
