I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You pole danced in your parka.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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