If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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