thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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