my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
