Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
