Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
