I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
