there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i think im in europe. pls send help
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
