No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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