dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
