My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
