Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
