my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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