That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
