one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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