never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
