I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
