don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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