Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
