It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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