just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
