mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
