Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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