She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
