Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
