I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
