she woke up with a sticky ear
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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