I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
