grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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