Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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