Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
