i'm signing you up for texting rehab
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize