My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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