he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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