I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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