YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
