you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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