Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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