O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
