So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
