So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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