connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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