I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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