Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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