Got a toothbrush?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
this is an emotional support booty call
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
