I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
