My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
