Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
