he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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