I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
