You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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