I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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