May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
