i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
