I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
