Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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