Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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