I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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