Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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