I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
