cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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