A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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