she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
