I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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