i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My pussy is not your playground.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize