And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize