I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i would punch a child for taco bell
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
