3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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