my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
