So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
