You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
