The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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