No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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