I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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