U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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