dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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