I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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