even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
