So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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